Gold Fish

The wind was blowing enough to gently move my hair.  The smell of spring was in the air, He was standing next to me on the bank of the river.  Water was rushing past and splashing over the rocks.  My ears were full of the busy crashing sounds of it.

He took my hand, and all I heard was Him.  He said this is why its so hard for you to swim.  Look…

I turned and looked just at that moment a huge gold fish jumped out of the water swimming against the current.

He said Look closer….  I leaned in and in the water were fish after silver fish all swimming with the current.  So many that it was hard to see the few gold fish that were fighting against the current.

Did you know that according to Wikipedia: Salmon start their run in peak condition.  They need high swimming and leaping abilities to battle the rapids and other obstacles the river may present.

*Similar to us in the beginning of our Christian journeys.*

The height and position of the Salmon’s jump is directly affected on the position of the waves and how deep the river is.

*Similar to how much we press into the wave of the Holy Spirit and much time we spend digging deep in the word to find out what God says about our situation.*

Salmon swim against the river current, some are known to travel 900 miles, climbing 7000 feet, and jumping up to 12 feet.  The whole time its against the current; facing bears, otters, fishermen, and so much more. On their journey, Salmon also under go a radical morphological changes as they prepare for the event ahead.

*Similar to us as we journey against the current of the world we begin to change. Becoming more like Jesus everyday.  Living more in victory, stronger, loving more, and developing a divine sense of reality.

Let’s look at the word:  Romans 12: 1&2 (esv)  I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.  Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

So what’s that look like for us?  Romans 12: 9-18 (esv)  Let love be genuine.  Abhor what is evil, hold fast to what is good.  Love one another with brotherly affection.  Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.  Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.  Live in harmony with one another.  Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.  Never be wise in your  own sight.  Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you live peaceably with all.

Will it be easy?  No

Is it currently easy? No

Is it worth it?  Lets look at the fish again.

Salmon is a key stone species, which means that the impact they have on other life is greater that would be expected in relation to their biomass. The death of the salmon has important consequences, since it means significant nutrients in their carcasses, rich in nitrogen, sulfur, carbon and phosphorus, are transferred from the ocean to terrestrial wildlife such as bears and riparian woodlands adjacent to the rivers.  This has knock-on effects not only for the next generation of salmon, but to every species living in the riparian zones the salmon reach.  The nutrients can also be washed downstream into estuaries where they accumulate and provide much support for estuarine breeding birds.

*I’m not saying we have to die to make an impact. But then I guess I am, because in order to live for Christ don’t we have to die to self?  Philp. 1:21

So like Paul, I will press on daily giving a sacrifice of praise….Hebrews 13: 15  Holding fast to truth…..Hosea 12:6  So, Yes it is worth it.  Why?

John 3: 12-15 (esv)  If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you heavenly things?  No one has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven, the Son of Man.  And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.

Be the fish….

Dude Climbed the Tree

Have you ever wondered what the heck it means to build yourself up in your most holy faith?   I want to start off with a scripture then I want to share something I figured out:

Jude 1: 18-21 (niv)  They said to you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.” These are the people who divide you who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.  But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.

In our everyday lives we are surrounded by people.  Social media, television, work, school, church, and basically everywhere we go or look we are continually being influenced by what we see and hear.  Let’s be honest, its not Godly.  Actually, I can probably safely say that a very small portion of our daily experiences have anything Godly in them.

My sister has leukemia.  When she finally got the courage to tell me her diagnosis, I found it funny.  She said, “Heidi there are three types of leukemia that you can get, the one I have can be controlled with a change of lifestyle and diet.”  I think its funny that she thought telling me it was the lesser of the three evils that was attacking her would make me feel better.  I was devastated.  I really love my sister, so it shook me.  I found myself at a cross road of decision, give into the diagnosis of no hope or stand up and fight.  I choose to fight.  I choose to daily stir myself up and fight through all the emotions, thoughts, bad reports, what I see and hear with my ears  Fast forward, we are still in the battle and contending for her complete healing until then she manages everything in her life.  Where she goes. What she eats. Even who she spends time with.  It’s all about God, good health, and positivity.  She’s an inspiration.

Wondering what I am getting at?

Let me tell you about a guy that most of us are familiar with.  This guy was not a looker, hated by most, envied by all, and he had one of the worst jobs ever.  He fought through extreme adversity just to get a look at Jesus.  Let me tell you:

Luke 19: 1-  (niv)  Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through.  A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy.  He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd.  So, he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him since Jesus was coming that way.

*Just going to stop here for a moment.  Picture the crowd shoulder to shoulder, packed like sardines in a can.  You know their not being nice to each other, so there is pushing, yelling, sweating (cause its hot in those deserts), smells bad.  Dogs barking, cows mooing, babies crying, and those animals walking around are pooing.  Just saying, lets be real.  Its about the worst kind of situation for a short person that nobody likes could be in because he is close to the dusty stinky ground and he takes their money.  He is so determined to just get a look at Jesus.  I can imagine him saying in his heart, “If I can just see him maybe just maybe this hole in my heart won’t stay as big.  The one I’ve been trying to fill with every earthy desire that money can buy.  Maybe, just maybe….. so he pushes his way through the loud, mean, sweaty, stinky crowd to the base of one of the most grosses trees ever.

  • Side note: Wikipedia says: Sycamore trees bloom a fig type fruit year around.  They were common in the area and this tree, “The tropical areas where the wasp is common, complex mini-ecosystems involving the wasp, nematodes, other parasitic wasps, and various larger predators revolve around the life cycle of the fig.  The trees’ random production of fruit in such environments assures its constant attendance by the insects and animals which form this ecosystem.”

So in other words the tree is covered in bugs and surrounded by animals and animal poo.  Get the picture?  And the dude climbed the tree.  Not only did he climb the tree but he perched out over the crowd, I imagine, just to get a look at Jesus.  All he wanted was a look.


Read it!!!!

Jesus said I must stay at your house today.  This brings me back to what does it mean to build yourself up in your most holy faith. To stay determined to contend for your healing, to be so hungry for Jesus that you’ll push through the uncomfortable situations to get a look at the King.

Eph. 4:21 (nit)  Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception, instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy.

  1.  So how hungry for break through are you?  I am starving for more of Jesus in my life, in my families lives, in the church, in the world.
  2. What are you willing to do to get it?  I am willing to put in the time to learn whatever I can to adjust my ships sails to catch the wind of the Holy Spirit.
  3. Are you reminding yourself of who you are because of who He is and what He has done for you?  I am the righteousness of God….Romans 3:22; I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ….. Philp. 3:13; God did not give me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.  2Tim 1:7….ETC …ETC…ETC…

God didn’t create robots

It all started a few years back.  I experienced rejection in a big way again in a relationship with a family member.  That family was not only a close family member but also a born again believer.

Fun fact – My identity must be anchored to the truth of who God is and who He is to me. Only then can I find a stability beyond what my feelings will ever allow.  (L.T.)

Time went by, I shook it off and convinced myself that it didn’t effect me.  I have been in a personal pursuit to grow closer to God not to change the world or the people in it but because I want to be a person that He abides with.  To be the one in the crowd that He wants to go home with and stay.  And because of that, I found myself presented with a choice, blame myself for not being good enough, blame the person for the hurt they caused me, or blame God for letting it happen.  I’m not proud to admit it but the first two choices where easy for me to do.  The third I had a little more trouble with but eventually I did.

Fun fact – I can not fully embrace God while rejecting His ways.

Once I realized all of this, I went on a journey to fix myself.  I studied books, I read the bible, I prayed, I asked for prayer, looking all around. I was angry, sad, confused, hurt and spiraling. I quieted myself inside and out.  I waited like that until I was desperate for change.  Desperate for breakthrough, answers, and understanding straight from God.  I said to God, “Why is this happening?  Why did all of this happen?”  “Look at me, I’m hurting.”  The rejection I had experienced was effecting me in every part of my life,  the hurt, anger, and fear, had become the lens I saw my world through.  What I really, meant to say when I asked God those questions was “Why have you let this happen to me?”  But I was to much of a coward to let those words come out of my mouth but my heart said them for me.

Fun Fact –  God Hears the Heart Cry

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isa. 43: 1&2

God answered me and said,  “I didn’t create Robots.”  I was like “What?”  How does that help”  God reminded me of a few things that happened in the Bible when man was given a choice.    For example:   Adam and Eve (Eve deceived & Adam not – choice made); Abraham & Isaac (obey & trust or not – choice made); Peter (stand up for what you believe or deny Him a few times – choice made)   Story after story through out the Bible I found examples that supported what God meant by saying “I did not create robots.” God explained it to me like this.  “Every person is presented with choices that effect something weather good or bad, right or wrong, life or death.”  Then I saw a man standing on the edge of a snow covered hill. On one side of him was the devil encouraging him to kick the round stone off the side, on the other side of him stood the Lord showing him the result of the stone going off the side and encouraging him to pick it up and hand it to Him.  God showed me what happens when man chooses to listen to the devil, the man kicked the stone, it rolled over the side and grew bigger and bigger as it descended then it crashed into a city located at the bottom and crushed it.  He said to me the rock symbolized effected of the mans choice.  Of course, if the man would have just picked up the rock and given it to God things would have turned out different for the city.  Its not a profound story but it worked for me.  I repented for believing the lie that it was God’s fault.  I choose to forgive and I let Jesus heal my pain.  Is my relationship with the family member restored.  No, because relationships are a two part thing.  I manage me, they manage themselves.  I have used my personal example to share this with you.  But it applies to several situations that we all face.

Church folks believing lies that cause them to live in shadows of rejection.  example: (I’ve been singing in this choir for years, why did the new person get the solo? What’s wrong with me?)  

Family members dwelling in the past. example: (Yeah, I know what they are doing now but I remember when they said/or did this or that…..)

Unsaved everyday people looking for the good in life and only finding the bad.  example: (I know that girl at work is a Christian but she talks and acts the same as everyone else so where’s the hope for me….)

Fun fact – God gave man choice – God didn’t make robots

I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live.  Deuteronomy 30:19

I believe that freedom is the right to choose good or bad.  I believe that this means that God wants to be surrounded by family members that want to be with Him not forced or programed robots.  Life offers us blessings and curses, good and evil, and its our responsibility to choose what we want in our lives.  God wants the best for us. He encourages us to choose life, blessings, and good.  His promises are for all who believe.

Fun fact – God has given each and every one of us a choice.  Because He wants a people who want Him as much as He wants them. 

So I am going into this new year free from my past, embracing my current journey, and looking forward to my future.

Happy New Year 2018



Time is tic tic ticking by

DSCN1181 (2)My mind is racing here and there.  Jumbled up and going everywhere and nowhere.  Just like the roots of an old tree.   Anticipating the future.  Reliving the past.  My thoughts are going nowhere fast.

But the one thing that keeps me steady.  Anchored in my soul.  Is that even though I look at my roots and I can’t tell where they go.  I know where they began.

I’m staying rooted and grounded in my hope.  In my peace.  In my everything.

In my Jesus.

Breakfast at the Altar

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I woke up this morning, husband gone to work, teenagers still sleeping, and looked around my house.  It’s the beginning of the week the storm of the weekend left the house a mess. Every room touched by the lived in mess monster.  I started thinking.  What am I really…. a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, … those where easy to define right.  I mean we do those everyday then I thought,… a christian, a believer, a daughter of the most high, … those for me where not so easily defined.  So I got my cup of tea, not feeling like I wanted to eat food yet, and decided to have breakfast at the altar.

Forgive me Lord for daily going through life forgetting who you are and because of who you are what I am.  Thank you God that I am:

A child of God:  For the spirit which I have received is not a spirit of slavery to put me once more in bondage to fear, but I have recieved the spirit of adoption the spirit producing sonship in the bliss of which I cry Abba Father!  The Spirit Himself thus testifies together with my own spirit, assuring me that I am a child of God. (romans 8: 15&16)

I am forgiven: The Father has delivered and drawn me to Himself out of the control and the dominion of darkness and has transferred me into the kingdom of the Son of His Love. In whom I have my redemption through His blood, which means the forgiveness of my sins. (Colossians 1: 13&14)

Saved by grace through faith: For it is by free grace God’s unmerited favor that I am saved and delivered from judgement and made a partaker of Christ’s salvation through my faith. And this salvation is not of myself of my own doing it came not through my own striving, but it is a gift of God. (Ephesians 2:8)

I am justified: Therefore since I am justified, acquitted, declared righteous and given a right standing with God through faith, let me grasp the fact that I have a peace of reconciliation to hold and to enjoy peace with God through my Lord Jesus Christ the Messiah the Anointed One. (romans 5:1)

I am sanctified: And such some of you were once but I was washed clean, purified by a complete atonement for sin and made free from the guilt of sin and I am justified pronounced righteous, by trusting in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:11)

I have been made a new creature: Therefore if any person is engrafted in Christ the Messiah he is a new creation, a new creature altogether, the old previous moral and spiritual condition has pass away. Behold the fresh and new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I get to be a partaker of His divine nature: By means of these He (God) has bestowed on me His precious and exceedingly great promises, so that through them I may escape by flight the moral decay, rottenness, and corruption that is in the world because of covetousness, lust, and greed,  and become sharers partakers of the divine nature. (2 Peter 1:14)

I have been redeemed from the curse of the Law: Christ purchased my freedom redeeming me from the curse of the Law and its condemnation by Himself becoming a curse for me, for it is written in the scriptures cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree. (Galatian 3:13)

I am delivered from the powers of darkness: The Father has delivered and drawn me to Himself out of the control and the dominion of darkness and has transferred me into the kingdom of the Son of His Love. (Colossians 1:13)

I am kept in safety where ever I go: For God will give His angels especial charge over me to accompany and defend and preserve me in all my ways of obedience and service. (psalms 91:11)

Then I thought to myself, “I have all this going on because of who God has made me. I wonder what else He has done for me.”  So I kept looking and I found:

I can live in divine health: Jesus personally bore my sins in His own body on the tree as an altar and offered Himself on it, that I might die cease to exist to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds I have been healed. (1 Peter 2:24)

Daily I can exercise my authority over the enemy: Behold! I (God) have given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and physical and mental strength and ability over all the power that the enemy possesses and nothing shall in any way harm you. ( Luke 10:19)

Daily I am overcoming the devil: Little children you are of God you belong to Him and have already defeated and overcome them the agents of the antichrist because He who lives in you is greater mightier the he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

Because of all of this I develop the courage to not be moved by what I see: Since we consider and look not to the things that  are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal brief and fleeting but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting. (2 Corinthians 4:18)

I am living my life by faith: For we walk by faith we regulate our lives and conduct ourselves by our conviction or belief respecting man’s relationship to God and divine things with trust and holy fervor thus we walk not by sight or appearance. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

I mind starts racing thinking of all the things in life that I am facing, thoughts of death and despair, guilt and grief, distrust and unbelief, I take control:  For the weapons of my warfare are not physical weapons of flesh and blood, but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds.  In as much as, I refute arguments and theories, and reasonings, and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the true knowledge of God; and leas every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ the Messiah the Anointed One. (2 Corinthians 10:4&5)

He has made me a save harbor: You are the light of the world, a city set on a hill can not be hidden. (Matthew 5:14)

God has made a promise to me: You will guard and keep in perfect and constant peace whose mind both is inclination and its character is stayed on You, because I commit myself to You, lean on You, and hope confidently in You. So I trust in the Lord, I commit myself to Him, I lean on Him, I hope confidently in Him forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock, the Rock of Ages. (Isaiah 26:3&4)

I want to daily renew my mind. To be honest, I have no idea how to do that then I found this: I appeal to you therefore brethren and bed of you in view of all the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies presenting all your members and faculties as a living sacrifice holy devoted consecrated and well  pleasing to God, this is your reasonable rational intelligent service and spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, this age, fashioned after and adapted to its external superficial customs, but be transformed, changed, by the entire renewal of your mind by its new ideas and its new attitude. So that you my prove for yourselves what is good and acceptable and perfect in His sight for you. (romans 12:1&2)

I am the righteousness of God in Christ: For my sake He made Christ virtually to be sin Who knew no sin, so that in and through Him I might become endued with, viewed as being in, and an example of, the righteousness of God, what ought to be approved and acceptable and in right relationship with Him, by His goodness. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

I want to be an imitator of Jesus: Therefore be imitators of God, copy Him, and follow His example; as well-beloved children imitate their father. (Ephesians 5:1)

Everyday I am making a decision to seek first the Kingdom of God and all His righteousness: But seek aim at and strive after first of all His Kingdom and His righteousness His way of doing and being right, and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. (Matthew 6:33)

My children will follow after the Lord because of the promise: As for me, this is My covenant or league with them, says the Lord;  My spirit, Who is upon you and Who writes the Law of God inwardly on the heart, and My words which I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth, or out of the mouths of your children, or out of the mouths of your children’s children, says the Lord from henceforth and forever. (Isaiah 59:21)

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord my soul will exult in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has covered me with His robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.  For as surely as the earth brings forth its shoots and as a garden causes what is sown in it to spring forth, so surely the Lord God will cause rightness and justice and praise to spring forth before all the nations through the self-fulfilling power of His word. (Isaiah 61:10&11)

Then I got to the point where I said to myself, why?  Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord and He will have love, pity, and mercy for him, and to our God, for He will multiply to him His abundant pardon.  For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and snow come down from the heavens and return not there again but water the earth and make it bring forth and sprout that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater so shall God’s word be that goes forth our of your mouth; it shall not return void but it shall accomplish that which God pleases and purposes and it shall prosper in the thing for which it was sent.  For I will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.  Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree and it shall be to the Lord for a name of renown for an everlasting sign and memorial which shall not be cut off.

I finished my tea sat back, took a breath and started by day.

God is so good to me…

For years I have been struggling with health issues.  It’s a long story that I am going to shorten so that you get the full impact of how good God is to me.  I was diagnosed with some stupid disease that causes a hormone imbalance that in turn caused my girl parts to not function right, I gained weight when I should have been losing it, and that caused back and knee problems.  So got the surgery, just in time, because my test numbers were one number away from full on cancer.  Speed up here I am a year later and feeling much better.  I have even begun to lose weight.  So a few months ago I decided I would get a part-time job to help bring in some money.  I love working.  I love making money.  I love to be busy doing stuff and have been limited by my health so needless to say I was excited.  I worked for a few weeks and hurt myself.  I had to quit.  I was upset beyond more than I have ever been before.  I felt like I was in a never-ending spiral of not good enough and to make matters worse they messed up my paychecks.  So not only was I not able to work but I didn’t even get paid.  I was angry, than I cried, then angry, and then I just gave up.  I talked to the managers.  Nothing happened.  Speed up again,  the last couple of weeks I have been doing a kind of self inventory with God. We revisited those feelings, or what I like to call it now, a mindset of defeat.  I had in my mind to expect the worst because I wasn’t good enough.  I repented because God had made me good enough.  He has qualified me.  “And giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” Colossians 1:12  In believing that I told God I would like my money.  And today in the mail I received a paycheck with the total amount owed.  God is so good to me.

Dance with me.

I hear the rain gently tapping slightly rapping on the window pane.  My pillow is soft. Blankets are warm. I keep my eyes closed just listening to the storm.  I am dreading the day. I know I should pray but what would I say.

As far as I can see I have messed things up pretty bad. My kids are sick. My spouse is mad. I have to go to work and my boss is a jerk.  I turn on my side and look at the clock. Closing my eyes I drift to a dream.

It’s dark all around me but I can still see.  I hear the wind blowing but I can’t feel it. I am standing in a clearing surrounded by thick forest trees. I think to myself there has to be something lighting up this place so I start to look around and the moon is nowhere to be found. Maybe I just missed it when I came in so I turned around.  I almost fell to the ground.

The light was so bright I covered my eyes with my hand. I squinted to try to see who that was looking back at me.  That’s when it happen.

I stepped toward Him.  He took two steps toward me.  I sped up and started to walk faster to Him. Not caring how I looked, where I had been, or what I had done I only wanted Him. He ran to me. Took me in His arms and held me tight.

I heard Him say when I woke up and started my day.

Dance with me. Turn around and find me waiting.  Don’t worry with the formal praying.  Take a step toward me.  I will take two toward you.  Decide that I am what you want and I will be right there with you.




Beauty Unnoticed

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I’m in the mist of dead and forgotten grass.  Just lost in a sea of dirt and ruin. But I’m stretching out my stems. I’m reaching toward the sun.  I’m spreading out my leaves.  With every breath of the wind shadows dances all around me creating a symphony of hope and love in my heart. My mind is made up, I have set my eyes on the Son, that’s the direction I’m going.


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