I was minding my own business just going along looking for bugs. Just another bird in the crowd. Days were neither special or routine, they just happened. Shake off the morning dew, scratch the ground, swim for awhile in the farmers pond, join the crowd looking for bugs in the grass, simple enough day. Then I looked up.
I remember it was hot outside that day. The sticky kind of hot that makes the back of your neck wet and your shoes squeak after wearing them to long. That’s why I begged my mom to let me wear my white easter sandals so my toes would stay cold. I loved the church it was always cold and quiet. I couldn’t wait to get to my class. The ginger snaps, tropical punch koolaid, and singing “This Little Light of Mine,” where my favorite things to do. That day things felt different. He was there in the church that day. The man from my dreams. Standing by the pastor. The pastor was talking about how it was important to ask Jesus to come into your heart, say you were sorry for your sin, and then you had to come up there where he was so he could pray. I understood what was being said I had heard it before. Talked to my mom about it and just the week before my brother went up there to talk to the pastor. He called my name. I remember I was getting tired of sitting there waiting, so I started swinging my feet and my sandal fell off. I jumped down off the bench to get it and that’s when I heard Him. I stepped out into the aisle. I could smell lemon furniture polish, musty old books, and feel the rough red carper on my toes. There He was at the end of the asile on one knee with His hand stretched out to me. We had a friendship already. I knew Him. His name was Jesus. I loved Him already. I don’t know when I started loving Him I just always had. He said to me, Heidi come down here to let everyone know you are mine. So that’s what I did on that day during Vacation Bible School at Baulman Road Baptist Church in 1976. I was 5 years old. I met the man named Jesus, with those bright stormy fire blue eyes on one knee with His hand out stretched, at the front of the church and prayed with the pastor to let everyone know that Jesus was mine.
I went to the dollar store to get some things for my office and ran across a bag of rubber bands. I love rubber bands. When I was a kid my mom had a ball of rubber bands in her desk drawer. She used to let me play with it. Totally thought it was cool..made me smile. So I got this genius idea that I would make my own rubber band ball. I set out on my task to wrap and stretch and form these bands into a ball. It reminded me of how much the Lord has been changing me. I’ve come to realize that its not the outside that matters its what’s inside. It’s what I believe. I am daily reminded of something the Lord said to me a few years ago. “What if everything that you’ve been taught to believe is wrong.” Of course I tested the spirit to make sure that it was the Lord that I heard because what the heck right. Everything that I was taught molded and shaped how I believe I should be. But God is good and He cares enough about me to stretch and twist and snap me into shape, just like the ball I was making. Isaiah 64:8 Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. So I’m on this journey with the Lord to fix my stinking thinking.
Trees lining the lake their leaves singing with each caress of the wind. Crickets chirping their morning song of delight while the water laps on the side of the old wooden role boat abandoned by a log. And here I sit soaking it all in like a tall glass of jin.
Yesterday was way to busy. With car rides to and from the city. Bills to pay. Kids at play. Heading to the store and back. That overwhelming feeling that something is going to go wrong. I’m so glad yesterday is gone.
There they are nestled in the tall wheat grass far from sight. Majestic birds of flight. Slowly floating from stem to stem looking for a hidden gem. All I can do is watch enchanted by their sudden flight.
Every since my husband and I have been married we have lived either by a train track or by a lake. Been woke up by a distant call of a horn or the quiet lapping of the water on the bank. Days living by a train always go by routinely with the timely click clack of wheels on a track and the sound of the horn carried on the air. Days living by a lake always go by generally slow with the smell of water and fish in the air. The sounds of birds and wildlife everywhere. Not that bad for either one I think.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I started thinking about writing a blog a while ago but never got around to it. I thought that honestly I wouldn’t have much to say and who would read it anyway. But lately the Lord has been talking a lot to me. If you know me you know that I’m normally quiet and reserved. You know the girl who sits in the back of the room or the front of the bus. The one that no one notices and doesn’t speak up. But the Lord has done a lot of changes in me over my to many years to admit of a life so far and I have found my voice. I write a lot. I thought that with this blog I could get some of the stories and thoughts that seem to be jumbled up in my head out. I think in rhyme. My writings and stories come out that way. Sometimes I can’t help but talk in rhyme as well. It drives my family crazy. So I am giving you fair warning.
I have a plant that likes to set its own course. It tends to follow its own path to the ground and rocks in the garden below. In tending to it I have become acutely aware of my own choices. Looking at this plant as if I were the plant and God were the gardener. How patience and kind of Him to take the time to set me on the right course. Daily checking my vine to make sure the it is growing up the path set before me. Pruning off the old blooms and encouraging the new. Providing me with the sun and water that I need to grow. Makes me grateful and causes me to continue to stay my course.
Stumbling over something, the sounds of my feet crashing on the forest flooring echoing through my head. I slip, catch myself and continue.
Where am I going? Everything looks the same. Shadows wrap around me like a cold blanket of night. I can’t see a thing. My head is spinning. My heart beat racing to the beating crash of my feet. Where am I going? Am I even slowing?
Out of the night shines the day. I beam of light to brighten my way. A sprinkle of hope. A spark of light that I almost pass by. And I begin to cry.
Finding light in dark places.